i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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