Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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