Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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