So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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