oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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