i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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