Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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