Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
