are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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