I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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