Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
