You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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