God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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