remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
