When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
