Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
