This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
