Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
