My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
