just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
