Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
