I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize