After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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