the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
