There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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