She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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