Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
