After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
