How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
