he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
