Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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