Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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