If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
