I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
