Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
These tits shall not be calmed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
