im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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