i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
