Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.