Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
