I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.