She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.