Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato