Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.