Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
