He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He has the fingertips of a God
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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