I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
