He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
