well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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