She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
