He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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