Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.