I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.