As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"