Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
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yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.