we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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