That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
