did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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