hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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