Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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