You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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