It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
