he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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