Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
