you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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