Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
