I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
