I'm lost and stupid without you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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